Hi. My name is Turney and I’m a Diet Coke addict. I have been for years. Countless times I’ve hopped in my car upon waking up, clad in my pajamas and not showered, and driven to the closest gas station to get my early morning fix. The craving for that diet soda high is just too much to bear. I need it. But once I hand over my $2 and have those 20 oz. in my sweet little hands—I know everything will be all right.

I can’t be alone. There must be others out there just like me. People who hear that Diet Coke talking to them. The faint whispers in the ear and the visions of dancing plastic bottles in the mind. But truth be told the diet soda addiction is just like crack—minus the dangers of imminent death, of course.