What it Really Means… |

When I first started on Wall Street in 1994, I knew less than nothing. It was embarrassing. But as the years went on I finally figured out what things REALLY MEAN…

* “Sooooo, are we still on for tonight?”

Really means – I still have stripper glitter stuck on my neck from last night and I’d prefer it if you would cancel.

* “I gotta hop” Really means – Leave me alone I’m reading www.danzatap.com

* “Would you like 4 Mets tickets this weekend?” Really means – You are my absolute last resort and these tickets landed in my lap when the back office guy’s sister didn’t want them.

* “I treat your orders just like it’s my kid’s college money.” Really means – I’ve really botched this order up and pleasedon’t cut me off.

* “Hey can you call me on the outside.” Really means – I have the most insane hooker story for you.

* “I’m jammed up.” Really means – Go haunt a house and leave me alone.

*“Hey can I call you at home tonight?” Really means – I have a job offer, but it’s dependent on you trading a million dollars in commissions with me next year.
*
“Is it allergy season?” Really means – I did a lot of cocaine last night so please stop staring at me every time I sniffle.

* “I caught another seller.” Really means – My market maker might be the worst trader on the street, sorry about your forthcoming report.

*“Does anyone have the NY Post?” Really means – I’m going to be in the bathroom for a really long time. Can you watch my orders?

* “We aren’t allowed to open any new accounts, but try back in six months.” Really means – you should leave the firm you are working for – Immediately…

* “Let’s do a breakfast.” Really means – I’m a recovering alcoholic, an active alcoholic or an aspiring alcoholic and I don’t want you to see me at night.

* “We got 25k MSFT for sale.” Really means – I’m living proof that there should be more cuts on Wall Street.

* “We should get Justin Bieber tickets and bring your kids.” Really means – I will do ANYTHING for an order; see how wide I can open my mouth…

* “Bobby isn’t in yet, he’s in a meeting.” Really means – Were the f&ck is Bobby?

* “Last night when I was looking at my charts I noticed a correlation between…” Really means – I wear black jeans on casual Fridays.

* “According to the F-Test, the portfolio’s return are heteroscedastic. If we use a weighted-least squares approach, we should be able to model the portfolio’s future returns without the use of a stochastic random variable.” Really means – I browse the amputee section at my local porn shop on the weekends.

* “I hate Wall Street.” Really means – I hate Wall Street, but love money.

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