No New Friends… |

When I turned forty I declared: No New Friends. I had had enough. I wasn’t interested in meeting new people. As far as friends were concerned; I was at the point where you slyly reach your hand under the table at Thanksgiving dinner and unbutton your button. I was stuffed—the shop was closed. No New Friends…
But I was wrong.
“You throw the word friend around too loosely,” Jenn said to me one day. Actually if I’m being truthful I should say: Jenn said to me many-a-days. But I didn’t know what she meant. If I met someone, we hit it off for fifteen minutes and I knew how to reach them at a later date then I thought we were friends. No? No…
If you want to test this theory out for yourself – and I’m not suggesting you do this – do something really stupid and I mean really really stupid. Then close your eyes, wait thirty seconds and then open them. See how many people stuck around. Those are your friends.
So of course as twisted fate would have it, two weeks after declaring No New Friends I found myself sitting all alone at a picnic table smoking a Newport. I was in a drug and alcohol rehab. And all I wanted was to find at least one friend. Irony?
But when I got out (I make it sound like jail – it’s not) I was disappointed by many—surprised by few. Some of my “friends” weren’t even returning my phone calls. Dude at least fake it and phase me out I thought. But I’m glad they didn’t. What a gift it’s been. I got to start new. I could pick and choose who I let into my life. Yeah there was a lot of trust I had to rebuild with certain people, but that’s what happens when you lie, disappoint and aren’t reliable for several years. But for those who stuck around it was worth the work.
Today I look at friendship differently. All I want to do is surround myself with good people. Jim Rohn, a famous motivational speaker once said: We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Hmmmm. It makes a lot of sense. It’s the law of averages. So pick whatever kind of person you want to be and surround yourself with those kinds of people. They can be fun, successful, writerly, entrepreneurial or whatever you choose. And then you’ll start to become that person. It works. I promise. Pinky swear.
Recently I wrote a CNBC article about James Altucher. He’s someone I’d like to be like. You might know him from the Wall Street world, as an entrepreneur, an investor, a bestselling author, podcaster, public speaker or social media beast. Or perhaps you don’t know him at all, but you should.
A few weeks ago when I went to interview him I woke up to an email from James: See you soon it said. He gave me his current address because he doesn’t have a home. He lives in random places through Airbnb and has adapted a minimalist lifestyle. He only owns 15 things. Getting his address felt like receiving the secret location to a rave party. The yellow cab dropped me off on Spring Street and I walked the few blocks over to his place. He buzzed me in and I took the elevator up. (While you picture me riding up 4 floors listening to Muzak here’s some backstory.)
I originally met James on the set of Showtime’s series Billions during the filming of the pilot. He was a guest of the executive producers. At the time I didn’t know who he was. I just thought I was sitting next to some eccentric dude with an amazing head of hair. We chatted a bit, knew a few Wall Streeters in common and both had written books. So the conversation flowed naturally and effortlessly. Since then we’ve remained in contact. He even had me on his podcast.
Ding…
The elevator doors opened to a smiling James in a wide open loft. We shook hands and did a quick catch up. It was like applying the grout between Facebook and Twitter. A friend of his was also in the apartment and walked by holding a mug with steam rising from it.
Is it rude to ask for coffee? I really want a cup.
“Take a seat,” James said motioning me to the couch. I plopped down.
Maybe I should suggest making a run to Starbucks. Or is that too obvious?
Instead I pulled out my phone and set it on the coffee table (with no coffee) to record.
“So what do you want to talk about?”
Failure I said. How do you successfully fail?
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/08/25/james-altuchers-7-lessons-from-failure-commentary.html

After the interview I felt inspired, like I wanted to do more. It was like I fed off of his energy. The next thing I did was go home to finish his book: Choose Yourself and it’s just as the title suggests. It’s exactly what I need to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it. It was very motivating and something I think we all could learn from. It’s all about not waiting for the gatekeepers to give us permission while also reminding us that life is a heavyweight fight with twelve rounds. We’re not going to win every round, but don’t get knocked out. Keep fighting. And he took his own advice; Choose Yourself was self-published and has sold over 600,000 copies. It was named one of the 12 Best Business Books of all time by USA Today. But I’d call it more of a Life Book than a business book.
I really like James. Dare I say friend? I hope so. It feels like we’re heading in that direction. But next time I see him I’m going to bring a coffee and a friendship bracelet. Wish me luck.
Read his book—thank me later.

Facebook

Google

Twitter