Everyone knows the most famous line from the Declaration of Independence… The Pursuit of Happiness. But I think for myself I didn’t really understand the true meaning of happiness. Aristotle wrote, “the happy man lives well and does well; for we have practically defined happiness as a sort of good life and good action.” Happiness is not, he argued, equivalent to wealth or pleasure. It is an end in itself, not the means to an end.
It only took making and losing 10 million dollars, 2 rehabs, 3 outpatients, a broken relationship, a foreclosed house and several hundred AA meetings for me to figure that out…
Even after I was 2 years sober, out of family court, had wonderful relationship with my daughter and ex girlfriend, all of my amends had gone flawlessly and just received a huge book deal from Random House… I still wasn’t happy. At that moment I declared that was an asshole… I would never be happy… I don’t even want to be happy… My goal was now serenity – – -screw happiness. And… ironically ever since that day – I’ve never been happier.
Just listened to your audiobook for a second time. It’s that good!
I know what you are saying about trying to feel “happy”.
One day..after many years of angst and exploration, I decided to stop thinking less of myself and to start thinking of myself less. Kind of helped.
Glad you are doing well. Keep writing.
still seems like ego is an issue !!!!
it’s too bad you put in a fake email… I tried to respond “progress not perfection – i have lots of issues.”
td
Turney, after I sent you the last message I became aware that I said all those things to you previously. Hopefully, they bore repeating!
craig
p–I agree that the pursuit of happiness is a fairly hollow goal.
Fuck happy/sad… the check is in the mail/the check is not in the mail… conditionality. To be relinquished in favor of JOY. Joy is our eternal and ongoing unimpeded state, only interfered with by the conditions of happy and sad
TD – you are the best….
You told me about the Man in the Glass and I know you like what you see now..!!!
If not for the hiccups getting there, I greatly envy your finding your happiness.
Peace, or as you say, serenity is the way. Keep doing the right thing and work to create more moments of joy/excitement than sorrow. Happiness is fleeting and an unattainable goal is what deflates us.
Living the dream is steeped in how well you handle reality…
It takes what it takes to start the process, our spiritual condition defines how gracefully we go through the process. So far so good…
Turney, you said that after everything you had been through, you still weren’t happy. I am curious to know what you did or didn’t do to bring serenity into your life?
I tried to instill some virtue back into my life. I tried to free myself from enslavement to particular desires. I just wanted to be a good person and do the next right thing. There is a latin phrase I try to live my life by: Amor Fati – loosely translated it means love your fate. Good, Bad or indifferent I try and embrace everything that happens in my life. Not always easy to do, but I try.
OK so maybe at one time in your life you were an asshoke but anymore. How do I know? Because much like insanity, those who are really assholes have no idea that they are :-). Peace is my goal. I think when we stop seeing happiness as something which needs to be obtained – we get it.
Turney. I read your book and found it to be a very intimate look into your triumphs and struggles. I have been through the ringer since reading it and am realizing that our similarities are far more than I thought when reading your story. A new member if AA, a recovering talent agent with a daughter, and being from Huntington, the thing that I seem drawn to most here is the happiness statement. I am looking for my aha moment, and appreciate your insight and courage to put your story on paper. Thanks…
You know, we have an old saying in Scotland …
Turney, I LOVE what you wrote here. I couldn’t agree more. Jennifer Scully said it right… happiness is fleeting. The real deal in life is learning to live in the moment and appreciate all of life — the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s amazing how often and easily we attach to “the American dream”…money, prestige, success, accomplishment and how difficult it is to appreciate the dream that is the life we’ve been given. What I love most about your book (other than it is written by a guy I once partied with in college) is that you demonstrate that you can have it all and be empty anyway. The things that brought you back are the real happinesses… your daughter, the joy of doing the work you love, being in the moment, sharing your story and supporting those who struggle similarly. As a therapist, I’ll tell ya… The things you’re doing is what I strive to see develop in my clients. Good stuff.
Great book Turney. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I was looking to read a book about Wall Street and ended up reading a war story. I have never worked on Wall Street, however my story is similar to yours, even happening at approximately the same time. I started with very little, then had it all, job, money, success, a baby daughter, then rehab and recovery. I continue to work on the recovery aspect and no, it’s not easy. I am not exactly in the same tax bracket I once was but that’s ok. I can wake up each day and look in the mirror and be proud. It wasn’t long ago that I was ashamed at what I saw looking back at me. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading your next story.