{"id":628,"date":"2014-01-24T16:07:15","date_gmt":"2014-01-24T16:07:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.turneyduff2.dev\/?p=628"},"modified":"2014-01-24T16:07:15","modified_gmt":"2014-01-24T16:07:15","slug":"bathroom-etiquette-on-wall-street","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/2014\/01\/24\/bathroom-etiquette-on-wall-street\/","title":{"rendered":"Bathroom Etiquette on Wall Street…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Once upon a time there was a bulge bracket firm. The wide open trading floor had rows and rows of desks. Computer screens stacked one on top of the other rose to midair. The seats occupied by mid-life and fledgling Corporate America. Phone cords stretched twenty feet while traders and salesmen spit compliments and hum venom, heels up, jackets off and sleeves rolled up–ready to trade.
\n\"Not<\/a>
\nAcross town I hit my direct wire as the microwave transmission shoots across the copper wires carrying audio and control signals. \u201cHello,\u201d I hear with a chuckle. My equity sales trader clearly thinks something\u2019s funny. He\u2019s like Chachi from Happy Days, the Scott Baio of Wall Street, a regular heart throb and super proud of his Italian decent. I like Chachi, he\u2019s fun, but I\u2019d have to guess the first thing listed under SKILLS on his resume is: Copy & Pasting Instant Messages.<\/em> I don\u2019t get much coverage.
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d
\n\u201cNothing,\u201d he says.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll give you 50,000 shares if you tell me.\u201d
\n\u201cThrow in 500 contracts and you got yourself a deal,\u201d my derivative sales person says. I didn\u2019t even know she was listening on the line. She\u2019s a tough chick, Wall Street folklore, worked her way up from the mail room. I don\u2019t argue with her much because I never win.
\n\u201cFine, 50,000 shares and 500 contracts\u2026 Now what\u2019s so funny?\u201d
\n\"excellspreadsheet\"<\/a>
\nIt turns out that Chachi and Mrs. Folklore keep a running Excel spreadsheet on their computers. Whenever they go to the bathroom they take copious notes. I guess it\u2019s sort of like Santa making a list and checking it twice, he\u2019s going to find out who\u2019s been naughty and who\u2019s washing it right. On one tab of the Excel spreadsheet is the name of the employee and there are two columns: Pee-Pee No Wash and Poo-Poo No Wash. So when they enter the bathroom and see one of their fellow employees accidently forgetting to wash their hands they make a mental note. Then they come back out to the floor and enter it into their system.<\/p>\n

But they\u2019re still laughing.
\n\u201cKeep going,\u201d I say.
\n\"wash-hands-no-germs\"<\/a>
\nApparently Chachi got cornered at the coffee station with a Managing Director who was on the Pee-Pee No-Wash and the Poo-Poo No-Wash list. Chachi was boxed in, he couldn\u2019t make a move when the right hand reached over and rubbed the top his head like he was an eight year old baseball player. He felt the thumb and forefinger graze his cheek. He almost threw up. So if you are wondering why other employees are avoid shaking your hands, maybe it\u2019s because they\u2019ve seen the Excel spreadsheet.
\nOther helpful hints for Wall Street bathroom etiquette:<\/strong>
\nDon\u2019t announce you are looking for the NY POST and then go missing for twenty minutes. It gives us a visual.
\nIf you must talk at the urinal, keep it light and don’t ask me what I think about AAPL’s earnings.
\nNo talking between stalls.
\nNo grunting.
\nPlease flush. Use your shoe like everyone else.
\nIf you don\u2019t flush and there’s no paper in the bowl \u2013 it really scares us.
\nRobbie Stephens Rule \u2013 no wiping boogers on the wall especially at eye level.
\nNo cell phones. Do you really need to check your email and make phone calls?
\nDon\u2019t hang around waiting for someone else to touch the door handle to open it.
\nNo recaps when you get back to the desk.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once upon a time there was a bulge bracket firm. The wide open trading floor had rows and rows of desks. Computer screens stacked one on top of the other rose to midair. The seats occupied by mid-life and fledgling Corporate America. Phone cords stretched twenty feet while traders and salesmen spit compliments and hum … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":632,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-628","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/628","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=628"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/628\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/632"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=628"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=628"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=628"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}