{"id":1242,"date":"2016-09-07T11:39:18","date_gmt":"2016-09-07T15:39:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/?p=1242"},"modified":"2016-09-07T11:39:18","modified_gmt":"2016-09-07T15:39:18","slug":"no-new-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/2016\/09\/07\/no-new-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"No New Friends…"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I turned forty I declared: No New Friends. I had had enough. I wasn\u2019t interested in meeting new people. As far as friends were concerned; I was at the point where you slyly reach your hand under the table at Thanksgiving dinner and unbutton your button. I was stuffed\u2014the shop was closed. No New Friends\u2026
\nBut I was wrong.
\n\u201cYou throw the word friend around too loosely,\u201d Jenn said to me one day. Actually if I\u2019m being truthful I should say: Jenn said to me many-a-days. But I didn\u2019t know what she meant. If I met someone, we hit it off for fifteen minutes and I knew how to reach them at a later date then I thought we were friends. No? No\u2026
\nIf you want to test this theory out for yourself \u2013 and I\u2019m not suggesting you do this \u2013 do something really stupid and I mean really really stupid. Then close your eyes, wait thirty seconds and then open them. See how many people stuck around. Those are your friends.
\nSo of course as twisted fate would have it, two weeks after declaring No New Friends I found myself sitting all alone at a picnic table smoking a Newport. I was in a drug and alcohol rehab. And all I wanted was to find at least one friend. Irony?
\nBut when I got out (I make it sound like jail \u2013 it\u2019s not) I was disappointed by many\u2014surprised by few. Some of my \u201cfriends\u201d weren\u2019t even returning my phone calls. Dude at least fake it and phase me out I thought. But I\u2019m glad they didn\u2019t. What a gift it\u2019s been. I got to start new. I could pick and choose who I let into my life. Yeah there was a lot of trust I had to rebuild with certain people, but that\u2019s what happens when you lie, disappoint and aren\u2019t reliable for several years. But for those who stuck around it was worth the work.
\nToday I look at friendship differently. All I want to do is surround myself with good people. Jim Rohn, a famous motivational speaker once said: We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Hmmmm. It makes a lot of sense. It\u2019s the law of averages. So pick whatever kind of person you want to be and surround yourself with those kinds of people. They can be fun, successful, writerly, entrepreneurial or whatever you choose. And then you\u2019ll start to become that person. It works. I promise. Pinky swear.
\nRecently I wrote a CNBC article about James Altucher. He\u2019s someone I\u2019d like to be like. You might know him from the Wall Street world, as an entrepreneur, an investor, a bestselling author, podcaster, public speaker or social media beast. Or perhaps you don\u2019t know him at all, but you should.
\nA few weeks ago when I went to interview him I woke up to an email from James: See you soon it said. He gave me his current address because he doesn\u2019t have a home. He lives in random places through Airbnb and has adapted a minimalist lifestyle. He only owns 15 things. Getting his address felt like receiving the secret location to a rave party. The yellow cab dropped me off on Spring Street and I walked the few blocks over to his place. He buzzed me in and I took the elevator up. (While you picture me riding up 4 floors listening to Muzak here\u2019s some backstory.)
\nI originally met James on the set of Showtime\u2019s series Billions during the filming of the pilot. He was a guest of the executive producers. At the time I didn\u2019t know who he was. I just thought I was sitting next to some eccentric dude with an amazing head of hair. We chatted a bit, knew a few Wall Streeters in common and both had written books. So the conversation flowed naturally and effortlessly. Since then we\u2019ve remained in contact. He even had me on his podcast.
\nDing\u2026
\nThe elevator doors opened to a smiling James in a wide open loft. We shook hands and did a quick catch up. It was like applying the grout between Facebook and Twitter. A friend of his was also in the apartment and walked by holding a mug with steam rising from it.
\nIs it rude to ask for coffee? I really want a cup.
\n\u201cTake a seat,\u201d James said motioning me to the couch. I plopped down.
\nMaybe I should suggest making a run to Starbucks. Or is that too obvious?
\nInstead I pulled out my phone and set it on the coffee table (with no coffee) to record.
\n\u201cSo what do you want to talk about?\u201d
\nFailure I said. How do you successfully fail?
\nhttp:\/\/www.cnbc.com\/2016\/08\/25\/james-altuchers-7-lessons-from-failure-commentary.html<\/a>
\n\"jamesalt\"
\nAfter the interview I felt inspired, like I wanted to do more. It was like I fed off of his energy. The next thing I did was go home to finish his book: Choose Yourself<\/a> and it\u2019s just as the title suggests. It\u2019s exactly what I need to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it. It was very motivating and something I think we all could learn from. It\u2019s all about not waiting for the gatekeepers to give us permission while also reminding us that life is a heavyweight fight with twelve rounds. We\u2019re not going to win every round, but don\u2019t get knocked out. Keep fighting. And he took his own advice; Choose Yourself was self-published and has sold over 600,000 copies. It was named one of the 12 Best Business Books of all time by USA Today. But I\u2019d call it more of a Life Book than a business book.
\nI really like James. Dare I say friend? I hope so. It feels like we\u2019re heading in that direction. But next time I see him I\u2019m going to bring a coffee and a friendship bracelet. Wish me luck.
\nRead his book\u2014thank me later.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I turned forty I declared: No New Friends. I had had enough. I wasn\u2019t interested in meeting new people. As far as friends were concerned; I was at the point where you slyly reach your hand under the table at Thanksgiving dinner and unbutton your button. I was stuffed\u2014the shop was closed. No New … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1243,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1242","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1242","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1242"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1242\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1243"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1242"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1242"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/turneyduff.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1242"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}